The taboos surrounding libido, love and multiple attractions are giving way to a modern understanding of fluctuations in desire and freedom in relationships.
Human desire has long been constrained by taboos and rigid notions. In a society that systematically equates passion with exclusive fidelity and absolute constancy, the slightest fluctuation in libido is perceived as a dysfunction or a betrayal. Yet the psychological and emotional reality of individuals is far more complex. It is time to adopt a new ‘mindset’
Anatomy of an autonomous mechanism
One of the greatest contemporary illusions is the belief that desire automatically stems from romantic love. Yet attachment and desire do not always run on the same tracks. Love is rooted in longevity, security and intimacy, whilst desire is often fuelled by mystery, novelty and otherness.
Through a groundbreaking survey of 9,000 people, sexologist Valérie Tasso, in collaboration with the intimate wellbeing brand LELO, has shed light on the inner workings of this dynamic. Her research reminds us that desire is influenced by biological, environmental and emotional factors. Distinguishing pure affection from sexual desire lifts a huge weight off couples’ shoulders: not desiring your partner at every moment does not mean the end of love.
Accepting the natural rhythm of libido
Beyond the taboos, libido is not a linear engine calibrated to run at full throttle all the time. It goes through cycles, phases of growth and periods of rest. Work-related stress, accumulated fatigue or personal transitions directly influence this energy.
The pitfall lies in the pressure to perform. Trying to maintain an artificial level of desire out of a sense of duty or for fear of disappointing someone creates counterproductive anxiety. Accepting fluctuations in libido as a natural and healthy phenomenon is the first step towards a more peaceful relationship with oneself and with one’s partner. A decline in desire is not a failure; it is a signal that we should listen to our bodies.
Deconstructing the guilt associated with being attracted to multiple people
Is it possible to love one person whilst feeling desire for others? The experts’ answer is unequivocal. The human mind possesses an unlimited capacity for attraction, which social conventions sometimes attempt to curb. Feeling a fleeting attraction to a third person does not make us unfaithful or immoral.
It is a perfectly normal cerebral and emotional reaction to something new. The real shift in mindset lies in distinguishing between impulse and action, but above all in ceasing to judge one’s own thoughts. Human desire has long been confined by taboos and rigid notions. By rationalising these mechanisms, we learn to accept our thoughts without self-judgement.
Towards a confident emotional maturity
Embracing the end of the taboos surrounding desire means choosing authenticity. This requires communicating more openly, letting go of the myths of eternal passion, and accepting human beings in all their complexity. Redefining one’s relationship with desire not only boosts self-confidence but also enables us to build more honest relationships, based on individual freedom and respect for others.
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