Post-its on the fridge, to-do lists in your head, cleaning to do, appointments to remember… Mental load has become an invisible guest in our daily lives. But how can we recognize it, and above all, how can we free ourselves from it?
The notion of mental load has entered the mainstream in recent years, particularly through social media and the testimonies of exhausted women. Because yes, while anyone can suffer from it, it’s mostly women who are its victims. Juggling the roles of partner, mother, employee, caring daughter, and independent woman can quickly turn into silent overwork. What if the first step toward well-being was recognizing that we can’t and shouldn’t carry everything?
What exactly is mental load?
Conceptualized in France by sociologist Monique Haicault in the 1980s, then popularized more recently by the comic strip Emma (“Fallait demander”), mental load refers to the invisible work of planning, organizing, and anticipating daily life.
It’s not about doing, but about thinking about doing: knowing there’s no toothpaste, anticipating the children’s schedule, organizing a dinner with friends, making a dentist appointment, all while managing a meeting at work. This constant multitasking, often unrecognized, but psychologically draining.
Why does it primarily affect women?
The causes are social, cultural, and psychological. In most homes, despite a certain shift in attitudes, women continue to take on the role of “domestic conductor.” Even when there is a division of labor, they remain the ones who must think of everything and remind others what needs to be done.
This burden is all the heavier because it is internalized. We don’t question it; we accept it as “normal.” Except that it’s exhausting. And it often prevents us from thinking about ourselves, from allowing ourselves quality time, or from truly resting.
What are the warning signs?
Mental load isn’t visible, but its effects are very real: chronic fatigue, irritability, loss of concentration, feelings of overwork, sleep disturbances, decreased motivation, and even parental or professional burnout.
It’s also not uncommon for this constant pressure to lead to guilt as soon as we slow down. A vicious cycle in which personal value seems directly linked to usefulness and productivity. By trying to do everything well, we end up not enjoying much of anything.
How can we lighten this mental load?
The first step is to become aware of its existence. Naming the mental load is already a way of legitimizing it and refusing to shoulder it alone. Next, it’s about learning to truly delegate, not just “asking for help.” Because delegating isn’t about getting someone to do something: it’s about no longer having to think for the other person.
Adopting simple tools can also help: a shared schedule, a shared list, weekly planning rituals together, etc. But beyond organization, it’s above all about cultivating mental relaxation. Everything won’t be perfect, and that’s a good thing.
Finally, reconnecting with your own needs, making time for yourself, and relearning how to say no are essential keys to recharging your batteries and thus redesigning a more balanced daily life.
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